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Loving your child and setting rules have never been a simple either-or choice!

Many parents believe that a child's growth requires ample freedom and more space for them. However, when the child is lying on the floor throwing a tantrum and crying non-stop, the parents are at a loss, regretting not having set some rules early on.

Is "loving your child" and "setting rules" an either-or choice? Today, we will share an article with you - rules must be set, but the method matters.

01 Loving your child and setting rules have never been a simple either-or choice

In fact, we can see around us many parents who either overly indulge their children or are too strict. Generally, parents who spoil their children think the child is already facing a lot of pressure, so while they are still young, let them have a happy childhood and give them some leeway. The strict parents, on the other hand, believe that without rules, nothing can be achieved. If we don't educate the child on the details of life now, how will they stand on their own in society in the future?

Both viewpoints sound reasonable, but the problem lies in the fact that these parents do not comprehensively consider the matter, and instead treat "loving your child" and "setting rules" as an either-or choice. This kind of either-this-or-that choice will inevitably have a negative impact on the child's growth.

Families that overly love their children result in children having no rules, no manners, and no respect. The latter makes children timid, cautious, and bound by rules.

Parents need to realize that rules and love are essentially unified.

The essence of a family is an inner sanctuary, requiring sincere care and closeness, a sense of human touch and empathy.

02 Three principles parents cannot ignore when setting rules for children

1. Some things cannot be indulged

Many parents say, "There are rules at home, but the child throws a tantrum and we're powerless!" This is a common problem in many families: the child doesn't listen to your principles, and often blackmails the parents by crying or refusing to eat. This is largely because the parents repeatedly lower their standards.

For example, if you've agreed with the child to only play iPad for half an hour a day, but the child cries and the parent gives in, letting them play for an extra half hour.

Spoiled children have one characteristic - their demands are always met. The first time a problem arises, the adult compromises, only bringing more trouble for themselves and the child in the future.

2. Some things the child must do themselves

Some parents think the child is young, so they take care of everything for the child, thinking they can cultivate independence later. In fact, at each stage of the child's development, there are things they are capable of doing themselves.

Parents can tell the child what tasks are theirs to do. Love is not about doing everything for them, but teaching the child problem-solving methods, not solving the problems for them - that is true love.

Let the child do more of what they are capable of, and over time they will learn self-reliance and strength.

3. Some responsibilities the child must bear themselves

The classic picture book "I'll Love You Forever" has this dialogue:

Alan: "If I make the pillow all full of feathers flying everywhere, will you still love me?"

Mom: "I'll love you forever, but you'll have to clean up the feathers."

Alan: "If I spill paint all over your daughter, will you still love me?"

Mom: "I'll love you forever, but you'll have to give your sister a bath."

The mother in this story does especially well - she ceaselessly assures, "I'll love you forever," while also emphasizing: child, you must be responsible for your own actions. You should try your best to restore or make amends, and face the consequences of your words and deeds.

Parents cannot help the child avoid responsibility, but should require the child to take responsibility for their mistakes, to build the child's honesty and courage to face errors.

03 Rules for Children to Develop from a Young Age

Rule 1: Avoid Vulgar and Coarse Behavior

There are some children who like to use violent means to force others to submit to their will; they attack and threaten others verbally to achieve their desires. But this kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable!

If a child exhibits vulgar language or behavior, how should parents deal with it? First, they should help the child distinguish right from wrong, and clearly tell them: "You can't do this anymore, this is coarse behavior and deserves criticism!" Then the parents should guide the child to reflect on their actions and come up with better ways to handle such situations.

This rule can help the child adjust their emotions, learn how to deal with what they want, and manage their feelings. In this process, the child will constantly adjust their views on things and their own mindset. When they grow up, they will use this model to treat the people around them, becoming more rational and considerate of others.

Rule 2: Don't Take Others' Belongings Casually

Some children often have difficulty distinguishing between themselves and others, and don't know how to differentiate what is theirs and what belongs to others. So whenever they see something they like, they will unhesitatingly reach out and take it, thinking "as long as it's in my hands, it's mine!"

In such cases, parents should consciously help the child establish boundaries between themselves and others.

This rule can help the child better distinguish "yours" and "mine", know that what doesn't belong to them belongs to others, and that they can't take others' things. This concept of differentiation is the most basic foundation of morality and mindset. Only by understanding this can they truly learn to respect others when they grow up.

Rule 3: Don't Casually Disturb Others

When a child has a good experience, such as being praised by the teacher or making a new friend, they will get very excited and want to tell their parents, regardless of what the parents are doing. Many parents nowadays prioritize their children and often allow them to interrupt their conversations, and even respond to the child happily. This attitude is easy to cultivate the child's habit of disrupting others without regard, and they may become self-centered and have difficulty living in a collective environment when they grow up.

If parents notice this bad habit in their child, they should consciously guide them to correct it during their daily life. Tell them: "Casually disturbing others is very impolite. Think about it, if the baby is sleeping and the child keeps coming to talk to you, will the baby be happy?" Use calm and patient guidance to let the child learn to empathize, and then set a rule for them.

This rule can help the child learn to respect others, understand that they shouldn't disturb someone when they are busy, and learn to consider things from others' perspectives. In this process, the child will also become more considerate and make more good friends.

Rule 4: Apologize When Making Mistakes, and Have the Right to Demand Apologies

Parents tend to spoil their children, thinking "the child is still young" and always forgiving them even if they don't apologize for their mistakes. This approach can make the child feel that "making mistakes is no big deal, my parents will forgive me anyway", and without any constraints, they are likely to make more and more serious mistakes.

From a young age, teach the child that if they made a mistake, they need to apologize - this is what a polite and well-behaved child does! When the child makes a mistake, in addition to educating them, you can also require them to apologize to you. If the parents wrongly blamed the child, they should also apologize to the child, setting a good example and following the rules together.

This rule can teach the child politeness, honesty, and the courage to take responsibility for their mistakes. In this process, the child will also learn to reflect on themselves and start to defend their own rights.

Loving the child is our instinct; setting rules for the child to grow into an independent adult is our responsibility. The unity of rules and love can shape the child's future.


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